Should Britain’s battles be fought in the bedroom?
The rise of Reform UK is affecting more than just British politics, its affecting our sex lives too. I consider myself pretty good at giving relationship advice, despite not being in one myself. However, I’ve found myself stuck with how to advise my two best friends who seem to be confronted with the same issue; both are obsessively attracted to someone with a dramatically different political orientation. In both cases the boy under discussion is a die-hard supporter of Reform and all things Nigel Farage. One friend decided to dump the boy even though everything else in the relationship was seemingly perfect. The other is continuing with the relationship ignoring his occasional more hard-right outbursts.
For the friend who’s enjoying her politically contradictory liaison, reasons for continuing are more than sufficient. She likes him, he likes her, why complicate it. My primary advice was sourced from a moral high ground that I have no reason to stand upon. I insisted she cannot be with someone who clearly takes such an alternative approach to the world and continued to discard any of the man’s more positive features. Without knowing him I had already constructed an understanding of his views on everything from immigration to whether or not my sister working in the NHS should get a pay rise.
I tried to imagine which decision I would take when faced with the same dilemma. Looking at the outcome: one friend is in a relationship, the other is not. In fact, my single friend is currently in mourning over her ex as we speak. Yet somehow even this doesn’t provide guidance. Realising I couldn’t answer the question of how much politics should enter into our romantic relationships, I decided to delve into why it matters at all.
It used to be quite a turn off discovering that someone ‘fangirls’ after a political party like I did One Direction. I would tend to swipe left on those boys who added a political label to their dating profile. But this isn’t the case anymore. Our generation is becoming more and more politically conscious and so we must accept that its presence cannot be ignored in our dating lives.
Difference is so often celebrated in relationships. However, when it comes to political opinion difference is more commonly perceived as something morally unacceptable. How can someone bare to spend the most intimate parts of their lives with someone who disagrees with how the country is being run. Phrased like this it seems dumping a perfectly good suitor might be a little extreme, especially considering the very slim dating pool we now inhabit. But it seems politics is no longer, or never was, limited to the public sphere. Politics is at the centre of our private lives and is increasingly becoming a defining part of our identity. Labels like Conservative and Labour do more than just give us an insight into someone’s aspirations for Britian or their opinion on a current economic fiasco. These labels are being used to judge an individual’s level of compassion, their capacity to co-exist with others. Political orientation has become an indicator for whether or not one believes they can be compatible, in a way that is close to superseding our sexual orientation.
So, what do you do if you have already fallen for someone, already become acquainted with their personality and their way of life, and, after deciding that they pass the test, you discover that their on the opposite end of the political spectrum. Is that a deal breaker or a difference that should be tolerated like any other?
The question that needs to be asked is what does it mean to give oneself a political label? How does someone supporting the Conservatives act differently in the world to someone who supports Labour or Reform? In a world where leading politicians can hardly decide where they stand on any given issue, how can we assume what our current situation-ship believes based on what party they support?
This comes down to one thing, we need to be more cautious when assuming that others and especially ourselves rest neatly into one political label. In fact, we need to stop thinking there are such a thing as fixed political labels to begin with. We live in a world consisting of a myriad of different political opinions. Holding a view on one subject does not automatically infer holding a similar view on another. To call oneself as a Reform, Conservative, or Labour supporter is not a static adjective. It is possible to support a political party while disagreeing with certain policy decisions they make.
So, my advice if you find yourself attracted to someone who turns out to be of a different political orientation to you; before dumping them or blindly entering into the relationship ignoring their worldly views, get to know the person behind the label. Actually, while you’re at it, question the political label you’ve given yourself too.
Esme Gordon-Craig